lessons learned for youth ministry leaders / volunteers...free of charge

Eight years ago this Christmas I was fully convinced of the calling to ministry on me and my family...man, what a journey it has been!  From volunteer, to part time, to full time, back to part time, to volunteering, and now again in full time vocational ministry (going on three years now).  I have served in a church's infant stage, deathbed stage and somewhere in between.
I have noticed over recent history that I am no longer the pup of student ministry, and strange to me there is the occasional young guy looking to me for wisdom.  Consider this post the reflections of 8 years walking with students and families and the summary of what I've concluded...free of charge.

1. CAMP AND MISSION TRIPS are not the turning point where student lives are changed and they never look back.  They are opportunities for relational discipleship and mile markers of life which they will look back on.  Avoid the hype and focus on the teaching moments.
2. VOLUNTEERS...you can never have too many.  Don't be concerned about the student to adult ratio on Wednesday night, be concerned about the quality of relationships being formed by those you have attending.  This may require one adult for every two students!?!?
3. FUN EVENTS have never served as a legit outreach as much as I hope they would.  They have served to reconnect students who had disconnected and they have been great relationship builders between students, volunteers and myself.  
4. PARENTS are not optional.  I struggled with parents in my early years when I thought our student ministry was about my leadership.  Youth leader, get over yourself.  The ministry is not about you, it is about the homes represented by each student.  At all costs build the bridge between you and parents...be ready to fade into the background and help parents be parents (oh yeah, don't tell them how to be parents or judge their effectiveness if you are not one...just encourage every chance you get).  Below are three ideas that have been most effective for me in building that bridge.
1. MAILING A LETTER TO PARENTS.  When a student does something that is good, it is an opportunity to encourage the parent.  It does not matter one bit if the parent is a regular at church or if I've never met them, whether they are a follower of Christ or not...they are the biggest influence in the student's life and if the student does good, I can encourage the parent by telling them that they must be doing something good.
2. FAMILY NIGHT...twice a year Sharon students uses major calendar dates as an excuse to host a family night where every parent is invited to worship, have fun and hear the vision.  We currently use back to school and Christmas as the two dates.
3. PARENT VOLUNTEERS have been a great place to build bridges.  I did have to repent of the mindset that youth group is a safe place to say anything and realize that the home must become a safe place to say anything...but after that, all has been good.
5. NUMBERS have never increased as I counted them.  I'm not the guy that has been a part of the overnight mega youth group...that guy was my friend and it was a painful comparison.  But I have realized that every ministry I have been part of has grown...and grown slowly.  Learn to avoid the constant head count and make sure that people count.  Satan caused David to count the troops...the LORD adds to the numbers...we are called to feed the sheep.  (1 Chronicles 21:1, Acts 2:47, John 21:17)
6. LONGEVITY AND RESULTS go hand in hand.  Galatians 6:9 is not a promise for us to preach as we pack up and move on.  The greatest harvest of my ministry I have not been privileged to enjoy because I had already moved on.  The students who moved into ministry, went on missions, the dad who learns to seek the LORD with his wife and kids, and so on and so on...  If we never mature beyond being the one year and gone guy, we aren't likely to see a harvest.
7. RELATIONSHIPS, building and maintaining these is the greatest use of my time.  There are some things you must do and do alone, such as message prep, but everything else you do is an opportunity to build relationships by taking someone with you.  On the flip side, maintaining relationships will include connecting with the one I haven't spoken to lately or more importantly, reaching out to the one who is avoiding me or running down my name.  Some of the most valuable relationships I have had in the church were people I did not get along with or that could not stand me.  Relationships are the flesh on your faith...by this all men will know that you are my disciples.  (John 13:35)
8. EGO AND INSECURITY have been my biggest hurdles.  I once thought that anything that took place under my ministries name had to happen on my clock...wrong!  Part of this was because I thought too much of my title/abilities and too little of other's.  Another part (more relevant today) is that I have major insecurities.  I am still attempting to learn how to hand off, help others to implement their ideas, and even let others do things that I can do better.   

This is merely the tip of the iceberg...maybe something will be found of value for you or someone you know.

Resistance

While searching my old laptop, I ran across this paper, concerning resistance, that I had written during my time at Moody.  It was for a class called "people helping skills" which is a counseling class of sorts.

Two reasons exist for why I would post an old school project to my blog...1)  Finding this paper has been a great encouragement to me and I desire to save it as a record of my own growth and struggles.  2)  There may come a day when another leader of people could benefit from the insight of my past mistakes.

Resistance

October of 2010 was when I accepted the role as pastor of a small church, in a rural community outside of Little Rock.  This congregation had existed for nearly 100 years and had experience a massive falling out just months prior to my arriving.  The congregation that once had 75 regular attendees, had dwindled to twelve sad faces.  The majority of all the conflict centered on a single family whose conflict had now destroyed the church.  For many reasons I now realize, this is the setting in which God placed my family.

As the journey began, to counsel and bring healing to hurting and bitter individuals, it was not long before resistance became the norm.  The two major forms of resistance identified were response quantity and response content resistance.  As I attempted to engage the conversation with those in leadership, lips were tight and feedback was minimal.  When conversation finally did take place, I realized quickly that there were only a few shallow details that were going to be revealed.  That which was spoken, diverted all attention to those who were not present and were unable to defend themselves.  There was little to no insight concerning the hearts and actions of them who remained. 

There are a couple of reasons for resistance that I was able to identify.  The first being that this group of people were never taught and had never experienced relationships that allowed them the freedom and trust to speak of anything beyond the surface.  Not a single relationship in this congregation had ever journeyed below the surface, not even those who shared the same home.  Wives did not know how to talk to husbands and sons were unable to talk to mothers, therefore it is expected that members would be unable to discuss anything of depth with other members or a pastor.  The other reason for resistance that was identified was that the leaders of the church had a poor view of sin and how to deal with it.  The consensus was that we should ask forgiveness and push it aside to never be discussed.  James 5:16 was a foreign and an outrageous concept, for they should never air their dirty laundry to one another.

To my fault, I grew frustrated and placed the fault on the people.  If they would not talk, then I would push them harder and harder until one of us broke.  I broke first.  My frustrations of their resistance pushed me to grow weary and bitter at those whom I was called to love and serve.  For nearly six months I lost my ability to be productive because all energy was consumed in a power struggle to see who would crack first.

The first thing I could have done different would be to see some resistance as normal.  I could not come to grasps with why they would desire to remain bitter and depressed when the Word of God promises freedom and joy, but it would have done them and me good to see resistance as normal.  I could have also been realistic and flexible with the people in the church.  When resistance began, it would have been valuable for me to not be so firm in demanding results but to flex and bend according to what they were able to give at the time.  Finally, searching for initiatives and incentives could have been a valuable way to overcome resistance.  In the power struggle, I likely pushed for change without fully engaging in what the future could be like.  It is true that people respond to vision better than they do commands.  If they can get excited about the future and what they invest in, they are less likely to say no or grow tired in doing good.



The Heaven's Declare...

It's only July 21st and this summer has been a summer of ministry like I have not experienced.  There have been days of stretching, days of filling and days of pouring.

God's grace has required more.  He has stretched my willingness, challenged my motives and revealed my shortfalls...all for His glory.

God's grace has given more.  He has opened my eyes, softened my heart and filled me with greater discernment...all for His glory.

God's grace has been poured out more.  He has caused some to desire Him, shown His people greater depths of His fullness, and has placed a constant flow of servants in my path to pour my heart into...all for His glory.

This summer has had plenty of struggles, plenty of victories and plenty of circumstances that were and some that remain uncertain.  Closing out a couple of months of ministry unlike anything I have experienced...I share this picture.

This picture (taken by Jason Carlton) captures the essence of everything experienced this summer.  Six months ago as I was praying about how God would desire NEXT camp to spend it's Tuesday night, I desperately hoped for an avenue to describe the glory/majesty of Christ.  After a few days of prayer, a verse popped into my mind that would decide our Tuesday night plans, "The heavens declare the glory of God..." (Psalm 19:1). We would spend the evening under the stars in a time of worship with song and Scripture.  For six long months, the major thought was, "God, let there be clear skies...otherwise this night will never work."  In the end, the stars serve only as a reminder of the lesson learned this night.  

You see, this same Tuesday we lost electricity at camp 30 minutes prior to worship.  As we adjusted the worship and preaching time to be held outside on a hill, there was no concern as to what would be done after the sun went down.  God's people were at peace as the plans God had given for the night were the ONLY plans that could have happened without electricity.  For six months I was concerned about clouds in the sky...but in hindsight, God knew that the lack of electricity would steal the show.  

We are all going through a lot in our lives, we have many reasons to fret and be concerned.  We think, "If only this one thing will work out, then it will be okay!"  Allow these stars to remind you of the lesson I learned Tuesday night.  Whether God's grace is stretching, filling or pouring you out...It is not about you, but it is all for His glory.  

His plan is good, perfect and complete...the details have been considered and accounted for before you knew a thing.  The heavens truly do declare the glory of God...find peace in your place as you gaze into the skies tonight.

Things Have Changed.

I'm really not sure when and not sure how, but things have changed.  I don't know if the change is due to age, phase of life, or the growing size of our family.  It doesn't feel like I have hit a mid life crisis, I don't feel depressed, but I definitely feel different.  The other day I woke up and realized that I was less concerned with what I can build and more thoughtful about what I will leave.  Without an intentional thought, I have given up the "gaining ground" mentality in order to adopt the "leaving a legacy" mentality.
To be honest, I have never been all that good at the "gaining ground" mindset to begin with. I have struggled to be hard nosed in the game of business.  Money has never been something I have seen much of.  Back breaking work seems to have come more natural than innovative thinking.  As I have accepted the fate that I will never gain as much ground as the other guy, my territory has increased anyway.  I have been given way more than I could have ever earned in my own strength, provisions have never run dry and resources have always exceeded the need.  Maybe this is why I can now turn my mind away from gaining ground and toward leaving a legacy...the ground was never mine to gain, it is only mine to steward.

I saw that there is nothing better for a person than to enjoy their work, because that is their lot.  For who can bring them to see what will happen after them?  Ecclesiastes 3:22

Who can bring me to see what will happen after my time is gone?  All that I have worked for, gained and achieved will belong to another and all that remains is not what I left behind, but what I invested...the legacy I leave.  These three amazing kids in the picture above represent the greatest gain of my life.  Apart from my wife, who is my crown, these kids will be my main concern after my time is gone.  How will they turn out?  Who will they give their love to?  Will they be able to handle this life on their own?
Who can bring me back to check on these?  No one.  If I am truly concerned with these beautiful children after I am gone, then I will begin leaving my legacy with them today.

The legacy Shelli and I are hoping to leave is this...
There is One who loves you more than all others.  He desires you, seeks you, waits for you, is compassionate toward you, He will and has already done everything He can for you...
His name is Jesus and you can trust Him.
With all He has done for you, you now do for others.  Micah, Brandt and Justus...
We pray you love others as Jesus loves you.