Without Fear.

A common theme of our conversation lately has been that of sharing our faith.  Shelli and I agree wholeheartedly that we desire our home and family to constantly be inviting others into knowing Christ as we do.  With this desire has come a learning curve.  I have never been what I would consider and effective evangelist...over the past 7 years, I have done it but not necessarily well.  Finally, the book "Share Jesus without Fear" has given me a model for sharing my faith that is relational, conversational, intentional and effective!

As my whole clan arrived at Brandt's soccer practice last Thursday, I was immediately drawn to notice one of the fathers who we had shared T ball with last fall...yet I had  not made a connection with him.
Following an informal time of introductions, through a random comment he made it known that the mother of his children was his girlfriend, not his wife.  At this point Christians have two options (and I fear we often choose incorrectly), we can offer correction and proclaim how living together is sinful and sex outside of marriage is wrong (which it is)...or we can inquire into the heart and find out what is keeping them from God's best in their life.  I chose to pursue the heart.

- How long have you dated?
- Seven years.
- Dude!  What are you waiting on???!!!

This time around, the light hearted pursuit of the heart landed us exactly where we wanted to be.  This young man shared his fear of divorce that was based on a misunderstanding of marriage and an elevated view of his own flaws.  He was afraid that if they married, she would leave him at some point.
At this point, there was an open door to the gospel.  We proceeded by finding out he had no real spiritual beliefs, a correct identification of the person of Jesus (without knowing Jesus personally), belief in life after death and the assumption that he would arrive in hell based on everything that he has done and continues to do wrong.  Our conversation took a dramatic turn as I asked him, "What would you say if I told you that God has made another way, other than being good?"  As his interest peaked, he shared a great attentiveness to what I would say next.
Together, we went through the gospel Scriptures and discussed what they meant to him.  I believe the Holy Spirit is at work in this young man's life even though he was unable to surrender his life the Lord on that day...I continue praying for his salvation.
What struck me as the conversation closed was this statement that he made, "My girlfriend will be so happy that you told me this!  She has been praying for me and for God to send someone to me!  She will be happy!"

A few months ago I had the opportunity to share a story with our church, where some of our friends were an answer to someone else's prayer...I then asked, "Do we want to be the answer to other people's prayer more often?"  Being a blessing is such a blessing.  May our family grow more in more in our telling of the Story...may we be an answer to prayer more and more as we take advantage every opportunity to do good.

As We Have Opportunity

So then, as we have opportunity, let us do good to everyone...  (Galatians 6:10)

Opportunity comes daily.  Opportunities are daily missed.

I am grateful for a wife who seeks opportunity to do good as we journey life together.  Last Sunday evening we were out to eat with other families the church and opportunity knocked.  Our waitress conversed with us openly about her three sons (ages 10, 5, and 2)...we get much kid talk as we take 14 kids to dinner most Sunday evenings!  Shelli made the observation that this woman was without a wedding ring and was working late on a Labor day weekend...so this is an opportunity to do good.  

Shelli proposes we go above the normal tip, and offer this young lady a few extra dollars to bless her day.  Instead of merely leaving the cash, we see an opportunity to connect with her personally as the restaurant is closing down.

Me - "Do you have any spiritual beliefs?"

Waitress - "Oh yes, it is God who is getting me by every day.  I am rehabbing from drug addiction and I believe God is the reason I am still going."

Me - "If I asked you who Jesus was to you...what would you say?"

Waitress - "He is my Lord and Savior!"

Me - "When did that happen?"

Waitress - "I was baptized when I was 7...but when I was 13 I really realized my need for Him.  That is when I was saved."

Me - "We have a few extra dollars we would like to bless you with tonight."

Waitress - "Thank you!  I am saving up to buy a car!  My boys were taken from me because of my drug addiction.  Now that I am clean, I've moved to Benton and am working to buy a car so that I can get my boys back into my life."

Shelli - "Can we pray for you right now?"

Waitress - "Yes!  That'd be great."

After encouraging her to jump in with a church (inviting her to Sharon) that could walk with her and encourage her in her journey, we took the kids and went home.

Sometimes the opportunity to do good gives others a chance to receive eternal life for the first time...sometimes the opportunity is to encourage the saints and experience the eternal life we've been given.

Opportunities come daily.  Opportunities are daily missed.

So then, as we have opportunity, let us do good to everyone... 

Pursuing Insignificance

 

Feeling significant is easy...take on tasks which require skill, endurance, and passion.  Accomplish something big and stamp your name on it for history to see.

Feeling small is difficult...obtain a passion for those forgotten, take on the impossible, walk in long suffering.  Stamp someone else's name on your accomplishments for history to see, or ignore.

Is life found in achieving immortality, or in knowing I am a vapor, a passing shadow, a flower that comes forth and withers and my length of days is a mere moment.

Is life at the end of the path proclaiming "I am someone!" or on the edge of an infinite sea, in the depth of the darkest forrest, within the words "Let there be light...and there was."

What if we ceased pursing greatness and pursued insignificance?   What if?

What if we fathered the fatherless.

...cared for the widow.
...submit to our husbands.
...loved our wives.
...honored our parents.
...brought up our children.

...were generous toward the poor.

...visited the prisoner.

"The greatest among you shall be your servant."  

(Psalm 144:4, 39:5, Genesis 1:3, James 1:27, Ephesians 5:22, 25, 6:2, 4, Matthew 23:11)

7th Grade...Pimples...My Insecurity.

The level of my own insecurity is surprising!  Not like 7th grade and I've got a pimple, but it is insecurity just the same.

Temperament is affected,  so are relationships in my family, even my body struggles under the weight of insecurity.  I have grown to despise this ongoing struggle against my heart.

Only you know what insecurities you struggle with...self image, success, relationship status, past failure, etc...  We've all got our battles I suppose.  Many of these begin by hiding something, producing an insecurity based in fear that others may find you out.  The struggle I have is actually the opposite...it begins by putting it all out there and realizing that others will disagree, disapprove or even take offense.

Of Adam and Eve, it was said"the man and his wife were naked and were not unashamed."  These two laid everything out there, had nothing to hide and nowhere to hide it!  Yet, there was no fear, shame or guilt.  Only when rejecting the plan of the Planner did this reality go awry.  I long for the day when we stand in awe of the One who walks among us again to the extent we are no longer concerned with one another's cover ups.

But for now we live in the balance of two realities, rejecting the plan of the Planner and a desire to live with nothing to hide.  As a minister of the gospel and a servant of the Church, this causes no small war in my heart.  It is my daily task to lay my life for others to observe, and at times critique.  Daily waves of successes and failures roll through, tossing my mind from one side to the other.  In the morning I may celebrate new life with a young believer only to turn in the afternoon and battle with what seemed to be a wise decision that didn't pan out.

It would be surprising for me to find out that I am the only pastoral staff member with this struggle.  So assuming I am in much company, here are a few ways we can "encourage one another and build one another up."  (1 Thessalonians 5:11)

1.  Talk to him...not about him. 
     Here's the deal, if you find a fault in him worth talking about...he's already struggling with it or it is a      

blind spot in his life.  Telling others only feeds insecurity (because he always hears eventually), where as talking with him could be the  encouragement needed.

2.  Don't question him...ask him questions.  

    Not all, but most pastoral staff labors whole heartily over even the most minor details.  There is 

usually a reason why something was done over something else or done different.  If the staff member is dedicated at all to the people, he will be excited to discuss questions...but questioning his heart, wisdom or ability will be a discouragement feeding insecurity.

3.  Expect compassion...not perfection.

    Big business CEOs and such, have been trained for success...sometimes at the expense of people.  Ministry leaders will often sacrifice so called success for the good of the people.  Not all things will make sense from an organizational vantage point, when the good of the people is primary.  The pastoral figure is constantly balancing what he needs to do, what he hopes to do, what he wishes he could do and what his own family must have him do.  This juggling act, combined with the expectations he and others place on him, create intense insecurity...But the body of Christ is not merely an organization but a living organism, therefore the people are primary and compassion trumps perfection.

So, assuming that there is pastoral staff all over the world needing encouragement today, knowing that their marriages and children are on the line and the life of the Church as well...these are some simple applications of Paul's exhortation in 1 Thessalonians 5:11 to "encourage one another and build one another up."

The Deep End Still Exists

        The day in age of which we live is unique in so many ways.  We find ourselves advancing in so many areas, reaching destinations and possibilities that those before us would dare not even dream.  Yet simultaneously, in some ways the waters are receding into a shallowness of life formerly unknown to man.

     It is a personal struggle of mine to see the potential of media and technology underutilized as a platform for pushing agendas, views and other's out of the way.  By the depths of God's grace we've been given the potential to engage in the great commission (Matthew 28:19-20) with the click of a keyboard or swipe of a screen...yet we often stay in the shallow end as we dispute each other's view, seek to prove a brother wrong or moan about anything and everything.
     
     I was reminded of a great truth while spending last week in the hospital with my wife, no this opportunity did not fulfill the great possibilities of our dreams (proven by imaginative Instagram pics with added filters for added interest) but it has fulfilled the deep longings of our heart.  Thank you to the many brothers and sisters in Christ who showed concern, prayed, brought meals and showered our six year old daughter with gifts as mommy and daddy missed her birthday.

By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.”  John 13:35

The love you have shown fills our hearts and reminds us that the deep end still exists.

lessons learned for youth ministry leaders / volunteers...free of charge

Eight years ago this Christmas I was fully convinced of the calling to ministry on me and my family...man, what a journey it has been!  From volunteer, to part time, to full time, back to part time, to volunteering, and now again in full time vocational ministry (going on three years now).  I have served in a church's infant stage, deathbed stage and somewhere in between.
I have noticed over recent history that I am no longer the pup of student ministry, and strange to me there is the occasional young guy looking to me for wisdom.  Consider this post the reflections of 8 years walking with students and families and the summary of what I've concluded...free of charge.

1. CAMP AND MISSION TRIPS are not the turning point where student lives are changed and they never look back.  They are opportunities for relational discipleship and mile markers of life which they will look back on.  Avoid the hype and focus on the teaching moments.
2. VOLUNTEERS...you can never have too many.  Don't be concerned about the student to adult ratio on Wednesday night, be concerned about the quality of relationships being formed by those you have attending.  This may require one adult for every two students!?!?
3. FUN EVENTS have never served as a legit outreach as much as I hope they would.  They have served to reconnect students who had disconnected and they have been great relationship builders between students, volunteers and myself.  
4. PARENTS are not optional.  I struggled with parents in my early years when I thought our student ministry was about my leadership.  Youth leader, get over yourself.  The ministry is not about you, it is about the homes represented by each student.  At all costs build the bridge between you and parents...be ready to fade into the background and help parents be parents (oh yeah, don't tell them how to be parents or judge their effectiveness if you are not one...just encourage every chance you get).  Below are three ideas that have been most effective for me in building that bridge.
1. MAILING A LETTER TO PARENTS.  When a student does something that is good, it is an opportunity to encourage the parent.  It does not matter one bit if the parent is a regular at church or if I've never met them, whether they are a follower of Christ or not...they are the biggest influence in the student's life and if the student does good, I can encourage the parent by telling them that they must be doing something good.
2. FAMILY NIGHT...twice a year Sharon students uses major calendar dates as an excuse to host a family night where every parent is invited to worship, have fun and hear the vision.  We currently use back to school and Christmas as the two dates.
3. PARENT VOLUNTEERS have been a great place to build bridges.  I did have to repent of the mindset that youth group is a safe place to say anything and realize that the home must become a safe place to say anything...but after that, all has been good.
5. NUMBERS have never increased as I counted them.  I'm not the guy that has been a part of the overnight mega youth group...that guy was my friend and it was a painful comparison.  But I have realized that every ministry I have been part of has grown...and grown slowly.  Learn to avoid the constant head count and make sure that people count.  Satan caused David to count the troops...the LORD adds to the numbers...we are called to feed the sheep.  (1 Chronicles 21:1, Acts 2:47, John 21:17)
6. LONGEVITY AND RESULTS go hand in hand.  Galatians 6:9 is not a promise for us to preach as we pack up and move on.  The greatest harvest of my ministry I have not been privileged to enjoy because I had already moved on.  The students who moved into ministry, went on missions, the dad who learns to seek the LORD with his wife and kids, and so on and so on...  If we never mature beyond being the one year and gone guy, we aren't likely to see a harvest.
7. RELATIONSHIPS, building and maintaining these is the greatest use of my time.  There are some things you must do and do alone, such as message prep, but everything else you do is an opportunity to build relationships by taking someone with you.  On the flip side, maintaining relationships will include connecting with the one I haven't spoken to lately or more importantly, reaching out to the one who is avoiding me or running down my name.  Some of the most valuable relationships I have had in the church were people I did not get along with or that could not stand me.  Relationships are the flesh on your faith...by this all men will know that you are my disciples.  (John 13:35)
8. EGO AND INSECURITY have been my biggest hurdles.  I once thought that anything that took place under my ministries name had to happen on my clock...wrong!  Part of this was because I thought too much of my title/abilities and too little of other's.  Another part (more relevant today) is that I have major insecurities.  I am still attempting to learn how to hand off, help others to implement their ideas, and even let others do things that I can do better.   

This is merely the tip of the iceberg...maybe something will be found of value for you or someone you know.

Resistance

While searching my old laptop, I ran across this paper, concerning resistance, that I had written during my time at Moody.  It was for a class called "people helping skills" which is a counseling class of sorts.

Two reasons exist for why I would post an old school project to my blog...1)  Finding this paper has been a great encouragement to me and I desire to save it as a record of my own growth and struggles.  2)  There may come a day when another leader of people could benefit from the insight of my past mistakes.

Resistance

October of 2010 was when I accepted the role as pastor of a small church, in a rural community outside of Little Rock.  This congregation had existed for nearly 100 years and had experience a massive falling out just months prior to my arriving.  The congregation that once had 75 regular attendees, had dwindled to twelve sad faces.  The majority of all the conflict centered on a single family whose conflict had now destroyed the church.  For many reasons I now realize, this is the setting in which God placed my family.

As the journey began, to counsel and bring healing to hurting and bitter individuals, it was not long before resistance became the norm.  The two major forms of resistance identified were response quantity and response content resistance.  As I attempted to engage the conversation with those in leadership, lips were tight and feedback was minimal.  When conversation finally did take place, I realized quickly that there were only a few shallow details that were going to be revealed.  That which was spoken, diverted all attention to those who were not present and were unable to defend themselves.  There was little to no insight concerning the hearts and actions of them who remained. 

There are a couple of reasons for resistance that I was able to identify.  The first being that this group of people were never taught and had never experienced relationships that allowed them the freedom and trust to speak of anything beyond the surface.  Not a single relationship in this congregation had ever journeyed below the surface, not even those who shared the same home.  Wives did not know how to talk to husbands and sons were unable to talk to mothers, therefore it is expected that members would be unable to discuss anything of depth with other members or a pastor.  The other reason for resistance that was identified was that the leaders of the church had a poor view of sin and how to deal with it.  The consensus was that we should ask forgiveness and push it aside to never be discussed.  James 5:16 was a foreign and an outrageous concept, for they should never air their dirty laundry to one another.

To my fault, I grew frustrated and placed the fault on the people.  If they would not talk, then I would push them harder and harder until one of us broke.  I broke first.  My frustrations of their resistance pushed me to grow weary and bitter at those whom I was called to love and serve.  For nearly six months I lost my ability to be productive because all energy was consumed in a power struggle to see who would crack first.

The first thing I could have done different would be to see some resistance as normal.  I could not come to grasps with why they would desire to remain bitter and depressed when the Word of God promises freedom and joy, but it would have done them and me good to see resistance as normal.  I could have also been realistic and flexible with the people in the church.  When resistance began, it would have been valuable for me to not be so firm in demanding results but to flex and bend according to what they were able to give at the time.  Finally, searching for initiatives and incentives could have been a valuable way to overcome resistance.  In the power struggle, I likely pushed for change without fully engaging in what the future could be like.  It is true that people respond to vision better than they do commands.  If they can get excited about the future and what they invest in, they are less likely to say no or grow tired in doing good.