While searching my old laptop, I ran across this paper, concerning resistance, that I had written during my time at Moody. It was for a class called "people helping skills" which is a counseling class of sorts.
Two reasons exist for why I would post an old school project to my blog...1) Finding this paper has been a great encouragement to me and I desire to save it as a record of my own growth and struggles. 2) There may come a day when another leader of people could benefit from the insight of my past mistakes.
Resistance
October of 2010 was when I accepted the role as pastor of a small church, in a rural community outside of Little Rock. This congregation had existed for nearly 100 years and had experience a massive falling out just months prior to my arriving. The congregation that once had 75 regular attendees, had dwindled to twelve sad faces. The majority of all the conflict centered on a single family whose conflict had now destroyed the church. For many reasons I now realize, this is the setting in which God placed my family.
As the journey began, to counsel and bring healing to hurting and bitter individuals, it was not long before resistance became the norm. The two major forms of resistance identified were response quantity and response content resistance. As I attempted to engage the conversation with those in leadership, lips were tight and feedback was minimal. When conversation finally did take place, I realized quickly that there were only a few shallow details that were going to be revealed. That which was spoken, diverted all attention to those who were not present and were unable to defend themselves. There was little to no insight concerning the hearts and actions of them who remained.
There are a couple of reasons for resistance that I was able to identify. The first being that this group of people were never taught and had never experienced relationships that allowed them the freedom and trust to speak of anything beyond the surface. Not a single relationship in this congregation had ever journeyed below the surface, not even those who shared the same home. Wives did not know how to talk to husbands and sons were unable to talk to mothers, therefore it is expected that members would be unable to discuss anything of depth with other members or a pastor. The other reason for resistance that was identified was that the leaders of the church had a poor view of sin and how to deal with it. The consensus was that we should ask forgiveness and push it aside to never be discussed. James 5:16 was a foreign and an outrageous concept, for they should never air their dirty laundry to one another.
To my fault, I grew frustrated and placed the fault on the people. If they would not talk, then I would push them harder and harder until one of us broke. I broke first. My frustrations of their resistance pushed me to grow weary and bitter at those whom I was called to love and serve. For nearly six months I lost my ability to be productive because all energy was consumed in a power struggle to see who would crack first.
The first thing I could have done different would be to see some resistance as normal. I could not come to grasps with why they would desire to remain bitter and depressed when the Word of God promises freedom and joy, but it would have done them and me good to see resistance as normal. I could have also been realistic and flexible with the people in the church. When resistance began, it would have been valuable for me to not be so firm in demanding results but to flex and bend according to what they were able to give at the time. Finally, searching for initiatives and incentives could have been a valuable way to overcome resistance. In the power struggle, I likely pushed for change without fully engaging in what the future could be like. It is true that people respond to vision better than they do commands. If they can get excited about the future and what they invest in, they are less likely to say no or grow tired in doing good.
